Hidden Figures in POC Spaces

“…I thought this day would never come

I’ve seen plenty rain but never sun

And whether or not you seek it on the surface ain’t nobody perfect and

I’m certain that I’m weathered from

The kind of storms that daddy couldn’t warn you of

The kind that poems could never capture the longing of

And anytime I try an sum up all the feelings up in one piece the point is I never break the formula

‘Cuz I’m supposed to wax poetic ‘bout my ass, right?

And that’s the only way a chick can get a pass, right?

…and maybe that’s who taught you to see women as disposable you hold on to that hurt and suddenly every Queen’s a bitch

I’m not gonna tiptoe no more I swore I’d leave it here

But right now what cha’ll want gonna lose to what cha’ll need to hear…”

-Sa-Roc¹

We Can All Fly

Part I: We Can All Fly, I’m Sure of It

   I thought this day would never come: a day that I would be completely excluded and discarded out of Climbers of Color leadership. And the story is too fantastic not to share. I hope others will take to heart how structure and policy in organizations can and do open up marginalized demographics such as myself, a Black cis gender woman, to exclusion. Even in people of color spaces such as Climbers of Color.

   It’s no secret my and other Black people’s experiences in POC spaces by organizations such as Climbers of Color (CoC), which I expressed in When the Minority Becomes the Majority has been rife with exclusion, among other things. But now I will be tackling volunteer and leadership dynamics within the organization itself. It is not my intention to tear down the organization, as I do not believe it is irredeemable. However, I have to tell my truth. And my truth is echoed by other Black people in other POC organizations as well. So we have to name it to change it. How did my exclusion out of CoC leadership happen? Why did this happen?

   If you are not familiar with me: my name is Crystal Rose Hudelson, pronouns she/her/li (li is the Haitian Kreyol pronoun). In 2018 my partner Keith Murakata (he/him) and I attended the first ever POC climb night at Seattle Bouldering Project put on by CoC. Having attended Color the Crag all 3 years they held it, we had discussed many times over the years starting our own organization in our home town of Seattle, WA. And we never did because we feared that due to low numbers, Black people would not be interested and if we opened it to all POC the majority demographic would be people of Asian descent (which is a reality I handle more thoroughly in the When the Minority Becomes the Majority piece, so please refer to that first). And so we never moved on it. Then suddenly, we saw an advertisement on Instagram for a POC climb night. We attended, met Mariko Ching (they/them) and Don Nguyen (he/him), both co-founders with a handful of other people. Mariko recruited Keith and I then and there to start a climb night at Stone Gardens Bellevue (now Edgeworks Bellevue). And so our journey began in Climbers of Color.

   Eventually the co-founders asked if Keith and I would like to build the rock instruction side of CoC to which we enthusiastically agreed. All the work I put into further structuring climb nights (wrote a climb night manual, organized swag, recruited people, etc) was received well and I felt I had finally found a place where my leadership and organizing skills were valued. I could be my full self at last.

   We stayed in the positions of co-Directors of Rock Instruction and Board members from 2019 until 2022. And this is where major change began to happen and contributed to the eventual exclusion of me from leadership. But first, let’s get an orientation on the organization’s structure.

   The organization has morphed a lot over the years but the structure as it stands now has 4 main branches: Mountaineering Instruction, Rock Climbing Instruction, Avalanche Education/Backcountry Skiing Instruction, and Community Engagement. Mountaineering started in 2017, Rock in 2019, Community around 2021, and Skiing around 2021. The Community and Rock branch had to be separated out because Keith and I were doing so much for climb nights that we were starting to be overwhelmed after 2020 for the demand of climb nights. We were able to open up positions for other people to take on those responsibilities.

   When we first started, it was only directors and guides. We ended up having 5 Directors eventually: Mountaineering Director, Operations Director, Rock Director, Community Engagement Director, and Skiing Director. As position responsibilities grew, Coordinators were added.

   When I say that a lot of these Coordinator positions grew out of the work I did, it would be an understatement. I was doing the duties of multiple coordinators before coordinators were even a thing. The general structure of each position was based on how I was operating in them which includes but is not limited to: Social Media Coordinator, Photography Coordinator, Climb Night Coordinator (including Climb Night Host), Rock Administrator, and Fundraising Coordinator. And even to some extent the Community Director duties. I was happy to hand over these positions and had no qualms about people changing the way things were done to better accommodate current needs. But I was the base for all of those positions. I ate, slept, and breathed CoC for many years.

   And Keith was also doing double time. As we progressed and funding started to roll in, there was a need for someone to take on accounting. And Keith volunteered. So throughout his duties as co-Director of Rock Instruction, he was also accountant up until 2022. A job behind the scenes. A tiring job that made sure our people of color guides/instructors, consultants, contractors, etc all got paid. Except Keith and I: we never requested payment for our duties as Directors, Coordinators, or Accountant. And to this day we have never taken payment for those positions yet poured ourselves in fully.

   Eventually, Keith decided to step back. He announced he was vacating the Accounting position and Director of Rock. We had built so much and been through so much, it was time for him to rest. And the Operations Director, Mariko, also decided to give up that role as well. So at the end of 2022, they both put in their notice, handed over their positions, and petitioned to remain on only as Board members. And here is where we enter policy.

   The CoC Board is where all the major decisions are made. Anyone can put in a proposal for projects, changes to policy, and/or event ideas to the Board who will vote on whether or not to move forward. Originally we had the Board which was made up of all Directors. Per CoC bylaws, members of the community (people of color obviously) are allowed to petition the Board to be on the Board. And we all figured a natural transition on the way out would be to spend some time on the Board after retiring from Director. It’s a way of retaining knowledge, wisdom, and showing reverence to those who worked so hard for the organization. And that is exactly what Keith and Mariko did: petitioned the Board to remain on as Board members. To which they were both voted in.

   One other policy that impacts this is the voting. A few years ago when we edited our bylaws, it was decided by a select few that the Board vote should be unanimous for people to get on the Board. That’s right: unanimous. At the time, I did not think much about it when I voted yes. Some people had some strong feelings about it and I did not. However, in hindsight, I see this as very problematic and opening the door up to some major bias and unfair practices. It has also come to light that this is not common practice among any other organizations. We will return to analyzing this policy a little later.

   As time went on I too was thinking about how exhausted I was and how to exit without imploding all the work Keith and I had put into our Rock branch. 2022 I put out an application for an Assistant Director of Rock Instruction with the intention of them taking my place. And Sof Petros (she/they) was chosen. I was so happy and proud about this! A fellow person of color whom I personally share some identities with and would be paid to do the duties I had done for free the last 5 years: surely this was the pinnacle of all my hard work. We started from the bottom, now we here!

   All of 2023 was spent training and assisting the Assistant in the operation of the Rock branch so they may function freely on their own in 2024. I had no problem handing over the work I had done for the longevity of the organization. And I further expect them to take things even further, push boundaries, and take what I have done in different directions to meet our overall mission of a more equitable and inclusive climbing community. And that means change. And I was excited to see it: I saw the work Keith and I did as more of a base starting point in which to springboard off from to meet the needs of our community.

   As the 2023 rock guiding season ended, I was proud. And tired. And looking forward to my chance at a seat on the Board; able to sit back and watch the work happen and hopefully be able to offer any wisdom I may have. I was confident I had done all the appropriate things and I was ready to exit quietly. And I made my roadmap known to the Board the entire time.

   I petitioned the Board in October of 2023 to remain as a Board member starting in 2024. I was ready for my chance at a seat. I had worked so hard for so long, I was looking forward to some quiet time. And I finally got my answer 5 weeks later, 2 board meetings later: no.

Article sections:

Part II: We Don’t All Fly

Part III: I’m Certain that I’m Weathered

Part IV: I’m Not Gonna Tiptoe No More I Swore I’d Leave It Here

Part V: Right Now What Cha’ll Want Gonna Lose to What Cha’ll Need to Hear

Part VI: The Kind that Poems Could Never Capture the Longing Of

Works Cited

1. “We Can All Fly” YouTube, uploaded by Sa-Roc, 6 Nov 2014, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImdQp567_os