Part III: I’m Certain that I’m Weathered
“How to ensure a space will have equity and inclusion…? The key is education…People of color can hate white supremacy and still be anti-black and/or anti-indigenous. Entering a space especially for POC does not magically make that person anti anything, it takes work and it takes effort.” I wrote that statement in 2021 in my article When the Minority Becomes the Majority. And it still rings true: education is key. Climbers of Color is an organization of people who mean well, but impact always exceeds intention. And the intention of the organization is to have a positive impact.
However, in 2021 I was seeing a negative impact on Black and Indigenous people in our affinity spaces. The board was aware of it even before 2021 as I had voiced this concern many times. Finally, we had a situation within our volunteer base happen in which yet another queer Black person was mistreated and ghosted completely. All the hard work she put into restructuring climb nights to make it a more welcoming place for Black people, and she was severely disrespected by a fellow volunteer. The positive changes we have seen the last year or so are because of her. I want to thank her and I miss her dearly: you are not a hidden figure to me.
I am sad to say this is a pattern: Black people ghosting from our organization. And I don’t blame them based off the behavior I have been privy to.. While we attempted to mitigate the damage, the damage (aka impact) was already done and there was no repairing it. And finally the board had to face the cold hard fact that the organization is not a safe space for Black people.
Yes it’s true; as I can attest to it from what I have witnessed over the years. And I think I have been shielded from a lot of it due to my position in leadership as well as lighter skin. But I am in a unique position in which I am the beneficiary of power and yet also subject to mistreatment due to being a minority in the group.
Finally the board saw what I saw: a need for education amongst our leadership and volunteers. There was something very wrong within our ranks. The board agreed they would bring in a contractor to put on mandatory educational sessions.
We cannot make people change; we cannot force people to be just either. The only thing we can do is to offer educational sessions as a starting point for people’s diversity, equity, inclusion, and justice journey. They have to give a damn first in order to analyze systems they may benefit from and attempt to dismantle them. Even in POC spaces, social hierarchies surface when people do not do the work to become anti anything. And as an organization who is a host to the space for people of color, we owe it to our minorities to offer these sessions.
A year came and went and there were no educational sessions offered. Finally, in 2022 I took matters into my own hands; I found a contractor and hired them. They were a cis gender Black woman whose company specialized in diversity, equity, inclusion, and justice (DEIJ) educational sessions. It was perfect.
I cannot express how angry this made me feel though. In order for myself and other Black people to feel safe in an organization, I had to be the one to seek a contractor. No one else did it for me: I did it. I got to be the potential victim and savior all in one. I felt the board had failed me. The level of insanity of that still haunts me today.
As sessions were held for all volunteers, leadership, and guides I started to feel some relief. I had a ton of projects outside of the scope of my position as director of rock so when one of the directors suggested I share some responsibilities I happily obliged. We had taken on a new director for a new branch of the organization who had some free time, so I asked them to be the usher of the DEIJ contractor (aka pay them).
After the conclusion of the educational sessions, it came to my attention the contractor had not been paid. The entire responsibility had apparently just been blown off. Of course, the contractor had not heard from the other director so they came back to me. I apologized and did the paperwork to get her paid. I was thoroughly embarrassed. When I brought the matter up at a board meeting, I did not receive an apology nor an explanation. So not only was I a potential victim turned savior, I was now the person groveling to the contractor for forgiveness. And I am sad to say that I would swallow these types of situations in the organization whole: for the good of the organization.
The situation subsided and I approached the contractor for another round of sessions for the beginning of 2023. They agreed, but with some hesitation. I reassured them they would be paid in a timely manner and apologized once again. I was confident there would be no more blunders.
As I said before, Keith had stepped out of the accountant role by December of 2022. It was strategic time wise so the organization would have time to convert over accounts, etc during the down time of our guiding season (as guiding season for most of the branches is May through October). He allowed us plenty of time to get affairs in order. I did communicate to the contractor about this change, expressing there may be a bit of a delay in payment, but she was fine with it. Communication goes a long way in relationships and she trusted me.
A new accountant was appointed, however, one particular director was charged with changing over a key account. And unfortunately, this was the same director who I had trouble with over the years with deadlines. I had faith though they would get it done seeing as how important and pivotal the task was.
But that’s not what happened.
Remaining sections:
Part IV: I’m Not Gonna Tiptoe No More I Swore I’d Leave It Here
Part V: Right Now What Cha’ll Want Gonna Lose to What Cha’ll Need to Hear
Part VI: The Kind that Poems Could Never Capture the Longing Of
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