Part VI: The Kind that Poems Could Never Capture the Longing Of
When a person is in crisis it shows. Overly emotional reactions, not seeing things clearly or admitting mistakes: these are all traits of someone in crisis. And from the stories this director told about their life lately, it was obvious they are in crisis. So none of us pressed after the December meeting for an answer on my continued status on the board.
Weeks went by. After five weeks of this director mulling it over, I finally got my answer. No. Without a unanimous vote, I was not able to become a part of the board. And the person holding back their vote in solidarity with this other director never voted (abstained).
Suddenly, after 5 years of being submerged by Climbers of Color work I was out of leadership. I came up for air out of the deep and thought to myself: what just happened?
All the work I had put in: the systems I have built, the people who have impacted me, the time, the energy, the tears…only for a revered seat on the board to be denied to me. Was this real? How could someone who had such an impact on the organization and community be excluded out of leadership? And why? Because I was essentially rude to someone a few times?
I could just leave: I was free. Free from toxic cycles and drama. Honestly, CoC has been the one place in my life teaming with drama. It comes with the messy DEIJ work. Will I miss it? Yes of course: there will be a hole in my life for years to come.
And yet, I feel a responsibility. If this was done to me, what could and would be done to other Black people, other Black women in the organization? How could it be prevented? I feel helpless and fearful. And I do not want this director to be this way with anyone else: specifically the new Director of Rock who shares my same demographics and work ethics. It’s unacceptable. Having a Black person build so much of an organization only to get rid of them rings so familiar: it’s the story of America. The story of hidden figures. And somehow within an intentional POC space, we have perpetuated the very systems we sought to dismantle.
In reality, I have no say anymore. No course of action. In the end, power has been stripped from me to take action. He saw to that: it was by design. He played on every micro aggressive loaded language to fuel his justification of getting rid of me. Of diminishing me: of punishing me. And in the end he won.
All I have left is my voice. He will not silence it: I will be heard. The community needs to know what happened. And for the broader affinity community, take caution: policy is everything. The unanimous vote is not equitable because someone out there will probably always have a problem with you. Especially if you are a minority within the space because you represent the hard work. You represent the work that needs to be done in order to truly live up to diversity, equity, inclusion, and justice. But don’t give up: you will always have your voice. Do not become a hidden figure: use it.
**I would like to acknowledge and thank all the people I have worked with throughout the years. Thank you to those who did build positions as well (like Mariko who was the OG climb night host and coordinator) and thanks to those who are no longer with the organization (Nicco and Nat to name a few). I remember you. I always will.
The story continues in Hidden Figures in POC Spaces: The Follow Up and Hidden Figures: The Villain Arc.
Rock Rose Blog, LLC 